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Chapter 16
The hair was curled, and the maid sent
away, and Emma sat down to think and
be miserable.--It was a wretched business indeed!--Such an overthrow of
every thing she had been wishing for!--Such a development of every
thing most unwelcome!--Such a blow for Harriet!--that was the worst of
all. Every part of it brought pain and humiliation, of some
sort
or other; but, compared with the evil to Harriet, all was light; and
she would gladly have submitted to feel yet more mistaken-- more in
error--more disgraced by mis-judgment, than she actually was, could the
effects of her blunders have been confined to herself.
"If I had not persuaded Harriet into liking the man, I could have borne
any thing. He might have doubled his presumption to me-- but
poor
Harriet!"
How she could have been so deceived!--He protested that he had never
thought seriously of Harriet--never! She looked back as well
as
she could; but it was all confusion. She had taken up the
idea,
she supposed, and made every thing bend to it. His manners, however,
must have been unmarked, wavering, dubious, or she could not have been
so misled.
The picture!--How eager he had been about the picture!-- and the
charade!--and an hundred other circumstances;-- how clearly they had
seemed to point at Harriet. To be sure, the charade, with its
"ready wit"--but then the "soft eyes"-- in fact it suited neither; it
was a jumble without taste or truth. Who could have seen through such
thick-headed nonsense?
Certainly she had often, especially of late, thought his manners to
herself unnecessarily gallant; but it had passed as his way, as a mere
error of judgment, of knowledge, of taste, as one proof among others
that he had not always lived in the best society, that with all the
gentleness of his address, true elegance was sometimes wanting; but,
till this very day, she had never, for an instant, suspected it to mean
any thing but grateful respect to her as Harriet's friend.
To Mr. John Knightley was she indebted for her first idea on the
subject, for the first start of its possibility. There was no
denying that those brothers had penetration. She remembered
what
Mr. Knightley had once said to her about Mr. Elton, the caution he had
given, the conviction he had professed that Mr. Elton would never marry
indiscreetly; and blushed to think how much truer a
knowledge of his character had been there shewn than any she had
reached herself. It was dreadfully mortifying; but Mr. Elton
was
proving himself, in many respects, the very reverse of what she had
meant and believed him; proud, assuming, conceited; very full of his
own claims, and little concerned about the feelings of others.
Contrary to the usual course of things, Mr. Elton's wanting to pay his
addresses to her had sunk him in her opinion. His professions and his
proposals did him no service. She thought nothing of his
attachment, and was insulted by his hopes. He wanted to marry well, and
having the arrogance to raise his eyes to her, pretended to be in love;
but she was perfectly easy as to his not suffering any disappointment
that need be cared for. There had been no real affection either in his
language or manners. Sighs and fine words had been given in abundance;
but she could hardly devise any set of expressions, or fancy any tone
of voice, less allied with real love. She need not trouble
herself to pity him. He only wanted to aggrandise and enrich himself;
and if Miss Woodhouse of Hartfield, the heiress of thirty thousand
pounds, were not quite so easily obtained as he had fancied, he would
soon try for Miss Somebody else with twenty, or with ten.
But--that he should talk of encouragement, should consider her as aware
of his views, accepting his attentions, meaning (in short), to marry
him!--should suppose himself her equal in connexion or mind!--look down
upon her friend, so well understanding the gradations of rank below
him, and be so blind to what rose above, as to fancy himself shewing no
presumption in addressing her!-- It was most provoking.
Perhaps it was not fair to expect him to feel how very much he was her
inferior in talent, and all the elegancies of mind. The very want of
such equality might prevent his perception of it; but he must know that
in fortune and consequence she was greatly his superior. He
must
know that the Woodhouses had been settled for several generations at
Hartfield, the younger branch of a very ancient family--and that the
Eltons were nobody. The landed property of Hartfield certainly was
inconsiderable, being but a sort of notch in the Donwell Abbey estate,
to which all the rest of Highbury belonged; but their fortune, from
other sources, was such as to make them scarcely secondary to Donwell
Abbey itself, in every other kind of consequence; and the Woodhouses
had long held a high place in the consideration of the neighbourhood
which Mr. Elton had first entered not two years ago, to make his way as
he could, without any alliances but in trade, or any thing to recommend
him to notice but his situation and his civility.-- But he
had fancied her in love with him; that evidently must have been his
dependence; and after raving a little about the seeming incongruity of
gentle manners and a conceited head, Emma was obliged in common honesty
to stop and admit that her own behaviour to him had been so complaisant
and obliging, so full of
courtesy and attention, as (supposing her real motive unperceived)
might warrant a man of ordinary observation and delicacy, like Mr.
Elton, in fancying himself a very decided favourite. If she
had
so misinterpreted his feelings, she had little right to wonder that he,
with self-interest to blind him, should have mistaken hers.
The first error and the worst lay at her door. It was
foolish, it
was wrong, to take so active a part in bringing any two people
together. It was adventuring too far, assuming too much,
making
light of what ought to be serious, a trick of what ought to be
simple. She was quite concerned and ashamed, and resolved to
do
such things no more.
"Here have I," said she, "actually talked poor Harriet into being very
much attached to this man. She might never have thought of
him
but for me; and certainly never would have thought of him with hope, if
I had not assured her of his attachment, for she is as modest and
humble as I used to think him. Oh! that I had been satisfied
with
persuading her not to accept young Martin. There I was quite
right. That was well done of me; but there I should have stopped, and
left the rest to time and chance. I was introducing her into
good
company, and giving her the opportunity of pleasing some one worth
having; I ought not to have attempted more. But now, poor
girl,
her peace is cut up for some time. I have been but half a
friend
to her; and if she were not to feel this disappointment so very much, I
am sure I have not an idea of any body else who would be at all
desirable for her;--William Coxe--Oh! no, I could not endure William
Coxe-- a pert young lawyer."
She stopt to blush and laugh at her own relapse, and then resumed a
more serious, more dispiriting cogitation upon what had been, and might
be, and must be. The distressing explanation she had to make
to
Harriet, and all that poor Harriet would be suffering, with the
awkwardness of future meetings, the difficulties of continuing or
discontinuing the acquaintance, of subduing feelings,
concealing resentment, and avoiding eclat,
were enough to occupy her in
most unmirthful reflections some time longer, and she went to bed at
last with nothing settled but the conviction of her having blundered
most dreadfully.
To youth and natural cheerfulness like Emma's, though under temporary
gloom at night, the return of day will hardly fail to bring return of
spirits. The youth and cheerfulness of morning are in happy
analogy, and of powerful operation; and if the distress be not poignant
enough to keep the eyes unclosed, they will be sure to open to
sensations of softened pain and brighter hope.
Emma got up on the morrow more disposed for comfort than she had gone
to bed, more ready to see alleviations of the evil before her, and to
depend on getting tolerably out of it.
It was a great consolation that Mr. Elton should not be really in love
with her, or so particularly amiable as to make it shocking to
disappoint him--that Harriet's nature should not be of that superior
sort in which the feelings are most acute and retentive-- and that
there could be no necessity for any body's knowing what had passed
except the three principals, and especially for her father's being
given a moment's uneasiness about it.
These were very cheering thoughts; and the sight of a great deal of
snow on the ground did her further service, for any thing was welcome
that might justify their all three being quite asunder at present.
The weather was most favourable for her; though Christmas Day, she
could not go to church. Mr. Woodhouse would have been
miserable
had his daughter attempted it, and she was therefore safe from either
exciting or receiving unpleasant and most unsuitable ideas. The ground
covered with snow, and the atmosphere in that unsettled state between
frost and thaw, which is of all others the most unfriendly for
exercise, every morning beginning in rain or snow, and every evening
setting in to freeze, she was for many days a most honourable
prisoner. No intercourse with Harriet possible but by note;
no
church for her on Sunday any more than on Christmas Day; and no need to
find excuses for Mr. Elton's absenting himself.
It was weather which might fairly confine every body at home; and
though she hoped and believed him to be really taking comfort in some
society or other, it was very pleasant to have her father so well
satisfied with his being all alone in his own house, too wise to stir
out; and to hear him say to Mr. Knightley, whom no weather could keep
entirely from them,--
"Ah! Mr. Knightley, why do not you stay at home like poor Mr.
Elton?"
These days of confinement would have been, but for her private
perplexities, remarkably comfortable, as such seclusion exactly suited
her brother, whose feelings must always be of great importance to his
companions; and he had, besides, so thoroughly cleared off his
ill-humour at Randalls, that his amiableness never failed him during
the rest of his stay at Hartfield. He was always agreeable
and
obliging, and speaking pleasantly of every body. But with all
the
hopes of cheerfulness, and all the present comfort of delay, there was
still such an evil hanging over her in the hour of explanation with
Harriet, as made it impossible for Emma to be ever perfectly at ease.
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