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Chapter 31
Emma continued to entertain no doubt
of her being in love. Her
ideas only varied as to the how much. At first, she thought
it
was a good deal; and afterwards, but little. She had great
pleasure in hearing Frank Churchill talked of; and, for his sake,
greater pleasure than ever in seeing Mr. and Mrs. Weston; she was very
often thinking of him, and quite impatient for a letter, that she might
know how he was, how were his spirits, how was his aunt, and what was
the chance of his coming to Randalls again this spring. But,
on
the other hand, she could not admit herself to be unhappy, nor, after
the first morning, to be less disposed for employment than usual; she
was still busy and cheerful; and, pleasing as he was, she could yet
imagine him to have faults; and farther, though thinking of him so
much, and, as she sat drawing or working, forming a thousand amusing
schemes for the progress and close of their attachment, fancying
interesting dialogues, and inventing elegant letters; the
conclusion of every imaginary declaration on his side was that she
refused him. Their affection was always to subside into
friendship. Every thing tender and charming was to mark their parting;
but still they were to part. When she became sensible of
this, it
struck her that she could not be very much in love; for in spite of her
previous and fixed determination never to quit her father, never to
marry, a strong attachment certainly must produce more of a struggle
than she could foresee in her own feelings.
"I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice," said
she.-- "In not one of all my clever replies, my delicate negatives, is
there any allusion to making a sacrifice. I do suspect that
he is
not really necessary to my happiness. So much the better. I
certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. I
am
quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be more."
Upon the whole, she was equally contented with her view of his feelings.
"He is undoubtedly very much in love--every thing denotes it--very much
in love indeed!--and when he comes again, if his affection continue, I
must be on my guard not to encourage it.--It would be most inexcusable
to do otherwise, as my own mind is quite made up. Not that I imagine he
can think I have been encouraging him hitherto. No, if he had believed
me at all to share his feelings, he would not have been so
wretched. Could he have thought himself encouraged, his looks
and
language at parting would have been different.-- Still, however, I must
be on my guard. This is in the supposition of his attachment
continuing what it now is; but I do not know that I expect it will; I
do not look upon him to be quite the sort of man-- I do not altogether
build upon his steadiness or constancy.-- His
feelings are warm, but I can imagine them rather changeable.-- Every
consideration of the subject, in short, makes me thankful that my
happiness is not more deeply involved.--I shall do very well again
after a little while--and then, it will be a good thing over; for they
say every body is in love once in their lives, and I shall have been
let off easily."
When his letter to Mrs. Weston arrived, Emma had the perusal of it; and
she read it with a degree of pleasure and admiration which made her at
first shake her head over her own sensations, and think she had
undervalued their strength. It was a long, well-written
letter, giving the particulars of his journey and of his feelings,
expressing
all the affection, gratitude, and respect which was natural and
honourable, and describing every thing exterior and local that could be
supposed attractive, with spirit and precision. No
suspicious flourishes now of apology or concern; it was the language of
real feeling towards Mrs. Weston; and the transition from Highbury to
Enscombe, the contrast between the places in some of the first
blessings of social life was just enough touched on to shew how keenly
it was felt, and how much more might have been said but for the
restraints of propriety.--The charm of her own name was not
wanting. Miss Woodhouse appeared more than once,
and
never without a something of pleasing connexion, either a compliment to
her taste, or a remembrance of what she had said; and in the very last
time of its meeting her eye, unadorned as it was by any such broad
wreath of gallantry, she yet could discern the effect of her influence
and acknowledge the greatest compliment perhaps of all
conveyed.
Compressed into the very lowest vacant corner were these words--"I had
not a spare moment on Tuesday, as you know, for Miss Woodhouse's
beautiful little friend. Pray make my excuses and adieus to
her." This, Emma could not doubt, was all for
herself.
Harriet was remembered only from being her friend. His information and
prospects as to Enscombe were neither worse nor better than had been
anticipated; Mrs. Churchill was recovering, and he dared not yet, even
in his own imagination, fix a time for coming to Randalls again.
Gratifying, however, and stimulative as was the letter in the material
part, its sentiments, she yet found, when it was folded up and returned
to Mrs. Weston, that it had not added any lasting warmth, that she
could still do without the writer, and that he must learn to do without
her. Her intentions were unchanged. Her resolution
of
refusal only grew more interesting by the addition of a scheme for his
subsequent consolation and happiness. His recollection of
Harriet, and the words which clothed it, the "beautiful little friend,"
suggested to her the idea of Harriet's succeeding her in his
affections. Was it impossible?--No.--Harriet undoubtedly was greatly
his inferior in understanding; but he had been very much struck with
the loveliness of her face and the warm simplicity of her manner; and
all the probabilities of circumstance and connexion were in her
favour.--For Harriet, it would be advantageous and delightful indeed.
"I must not dwell upon it," said she.--"I must not think of it. I know
the danger of indulging such speculations. But stranger
things
have happened; and when we cease to care for each other as we do now,
it will be the means of confirming us in that sort of true
disinterested friendship which I can already look forward to with
pleasure."
It was well to have a comfort in store on Harriet's behalf, though it
might be wise to let the fancy touch it seldom; for evil in that
quarter was at hand. As Frank Churchill's arrival had
succeeded Mr. Elton's engagement in the conversation of Highbury, as
the latest interest had entirely borne down the first, so now upon
Frank Churchill's disappearance, Mr. Elton's concerns were assuming the
most irresistible form.--His wedding-day was named. He would soon be
among them again; Mr. Elton and his bride. There was hardly time to
talk over the first letter from Enscombe before "Mr. Elton and his
bride" was in every body's mouth, and Frank Churchill was
forgotten. Emma grew sick at the sound. She had had three
weeks
of happy exemption from Mr. Elton; and Harriet's mind, she had been
willing to hope, had been lately gaining strength. With Mr.
Weston's ball in view at least, there had been a great deal of
insensibility to other things; but it was now too evident that she had
not attained such a state of composure as could stand against the
actual approach--new carriage, bell-ringing, and all.
Poor Harriet was in a flutter of spirits which required all the
reasonings and soothings and attentions of every kind that Emma could
give. Emma felt that she could not do too much for her, that
Harriet had a right to all her ingenuity and all her patience; but it
was heavy work to be for ever convincing without producing any effect,
for ever agreed to, without being able to make their opinions the
same. Harriet listened submissively, and said "it was very
true--
it was just as Miss Woodhouse described--it was not worth while to
think about them--and she would not think about them any longer" but no
change of subject could avail, and the next half-hour saw her as
anxious and restless about the Eltons as before. At last Emma attacked
her on another ground.
"Your allowing yourself to be so occupied and so unhappy about Mr.
Elton's marrying, Harriet, is the strongest reproach you can make
me. You could not give me a greater reproof for the mistake I
fell into. It was all my doing, I know. I have not
forgotten it, I assure you.-- Deceived myself, I did very miserably
deceive you-- and it will be a painful reflection to me for
ever.
Do not imagine me in danger of forgetting it."
Harriet felt this too much to utter more than a few words of eager
exclamation. Emma continued,
"I have not said, exert yourself Harriet for my sake; think less, talk
less of Mr. Elton for my sake; because for your own sake rather, I
would wish it to be done, for the sake of what is more important than
my comfort, a habit of self-command in you, a consideration of what is
your duty, an attention to propriety, an endeavour to avoid the
suspicions of others, to save your health and credit, and restore your
tranquillity. These are the motives which I have been
pressing on
you. They are very important--and sorry I am that you cannot
feel
them sufficiently to act upon them. My being saved from pain is a very
secondary consideration. I want you to save yourself from
greater
pain. Perhaps I may sometimes have felt that Harriet would
not
forget what was due--or rather what would be kind by me."
This appeal to her affections did more than all the rest. The idea of
wanting gratitude and consideration for Miss Woodhouse, whom she really
loved extremely, made her wretched for a while, and when the violence
of grief was comforted away, still remained powerful enough to prompt
to what was right and support her in it very tolerably.
"You, who have been the best friend I ever had in my life-- Want
gratitude to you!--Nobody is equal to you!--I care for nobody as I do
for you!--Oh! Miss Woodhouse, how ungrateful I have been!"
Such expressions, assisted as they were by every thing that look and
manner could do, made Emma feel that she had never loved Harriet so
well, nor valued her affection so highly before.
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart," said she afterwards
to herself. "There is nothing to be compared to it. Warmth
and
tenderness of heart, with an affectionate, open manner, will beat all
the clearness of head in the world, for attraction, I am sure it
will. It is tenderness of heart which makes my dear father so
generally beloved--which gives Isabella all her popularity.-- I have it
not--but I know how to prize and respect it.--Harriet is my superior in
all the charm and all the felicity it gives. Dear Harriet!--I would not
change you for the clearest-headed, longest-sighted, best-judging
female breathing. Oh! the coldness of a Jane
Fairfax!-- Harriet is
worth a hundred such--And for a wife-- a sensible man's wife--it is
invaluable. I mention no names; but happy the man who changes
Emma for Harriet!"
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