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Chapter 16
Marianne
would have thought herself very inexcusable had she been able
to sleep at all the
first night after parting from Willoughby.
She would have been ashamed to look her
family in the face
the next morning, had she not risen from her bed in more
need of repose than when she lay down in it.
But the feelings which made such composure
a disgrace, left her
in no danger of incurring it.
She was awake the whole night, and she wept
the greatest part of it. She
got up with a headache, was unable to talk, and unwilling to
take any nourishment; giving pain every moment to her mother
and sisters, and forbidding all attempt at
consolation from either. Her sensibility was potent enough!
When
breakfast was over she walked out by herself, and wandered
about the village of
Allenham, indulging the recollection of past enjoyment and
crying over the present reverse for the chief of the morning.
The
evening passed off in the equal indulgence of feeling. She
played over every favourite song
that she had been used to play to Willoughby, every air in
which their voices had been oftenest joined, and sat at the
instrument gazing on every line of music that he had written
out for her, till her heart was so heavy that no
farther sadness could be gained; and this nourishment of
grief was every day applied.
She spent whole hours at the
pianoforte alternately
singing and crying; her
voice often totally suspended by her tears.
In books too, as well as in music, she
courted the misery which a contrast
between the past and present was certain of giving. She read
nothing but
what they had been used to read
together.
Such
violence of affliction indeed could not be supported for ever;
it sunk within a few days into
a calmer melancholy; but these employments, to which she
daily recurred, her solitary walks and silent
meditations, still produced occasional effusions of sorrow as
lively
as ever.
No
letter from Willoughby came; and none seemed expected by
Marianne. Her
mother was surprised, and Elinor again became uneasy. But Mrs. Dashwood could
find explanations whenever she wanted them, which at least
satisfied herself.
"Remember,
Elinor," said she, "how very often Sir John fetches our
letters himself from the
post, and carries them to it.
We have already agreed that secrecy may be
necessary, and we must acknowledge that it could
not be maintained if their correspondence were to pass through
Sir John's hands."
Elinor
could not deny the truth of this, and she tried to find in it
a motive sufficient for
their silence.
But there was one method so direct, so
simple, and in her opinion so eligible of knowing the
real state of the affair, and of instantly removing
all mystery, that she could not help suggesting it to
her mother.
"Why
do you not ask Marianne at once," said she, "whether she is or
she is not
engaged to Willoughby? From
you, her mother, and so kind, so indulgent a
mother, the question could not give offence.
It would be the natural result of your
affection for her. She
used to be all unreserve, and to you more especially."
"I
would not ask such a question for the world. Supposing it
possible that they are not
engaged,
what distress would not such an enquiry
inflict! At
any rate it would be most ungenerous.
I should never deserve her confidence
again, after forcing from
her a confession of what is meant at present to be
unacknowledged to any one. I know Marianne's heart: I know
that she
dearly loves me, and that I shall not be the last to whom
the affair is made known, when circumstances make the
revealment
of it eligible. I would not attempt to force the
confidence of any one; of a child much less; because a sense
of
duty would prevent the denial which her wishes might
direct."
Elinor
thought this generosity overstrained, considering her sister's
youth, and
urged the matter farther, but in vain; common sense, common
care,
common prudence, were all sunk in Mrs. Dashwood's
romantic delicacy.
It
was several days before Willoughby's name was mentioned before
Marianne by any of
her family;
Sir John and Mrs. Jennings, indeed, were
not so nice; their witticisms added pain to many a
painful hour;-- but one evening, Mrs. Dashwood,
accidentally taking up a volume of Shakespeare, exclaimed,
"We
have never finished Hamlet, Marianne; our dear Willoughby went
away before we could get
through it. We will put it by, that when he comes
again...But it may be months, perhaps, before that
happens."
"Months!"
cried Marianne, with strong surprise. "No--nor many weeks.
Mrs.
Dashwood was sorry for what she had said; but it gave Elinor
pleasure, as it
produced a reply
from Marianne so expressive of
confidence in Willoughby and knowledge of his intentions.
One
morning, about a week after his leaving the country, Marianne
was prevailed on to join her
sisters in their usual walk, instead of wandering away by
herself. Hitherto she had carefully avoided every
companion in her rambles.
If her sisters intended to walk on the
downs, she directly stole away towards the
lanes; if they talked of the valley, she was as speedy in
climbing the hills, and could never be found when the others
set off. But at length she was secured by the
exertions of Elinor, who greatly disapproved such continual
seclusion. They
walked along the road through the valley, and
chiefly in silence, for Marianne's mind could not be
controlled, and Elinor, satisfied with gaining one point,
would
not then attempt more. Beyond the entrance of the valley,
where
the country, though still rich, was less wild and
more open, a long stretch of the road which they had
travelled on first coming to Barton, lay before them; and on
reaching that point, they stopped to look around them, and
examine a prospect which formed the distance of their view
from the cottage, from a spot which they had never
happened to reach in any of their walks before.
Amongst
the objects in the scene, they soon discovered an animated
one; it was a man on
horseback riding towards them. In a few minutes they could
distinguish
him to be a gentleman; and in a moment afterwards Marianne
rapturously exclaimed,
"It
is he; it is indeed;--I know it is!"--and was hastening to
meet him, when Elinor cried
out,
"Indeed,
Marianne, I think you are mistaken.
It is not Willoughby.
The person is not tall enough for him, and
has not his air."
"He has, he has," cried Marianne,
"I am sure he has. His air, his coat, his horse. I knew how soon he would
come."
She
walked eagerly on as she spoke; and Elinor, to screen Marianne
from particularity,
as she felt almost certain of its not being Willoughby,
quickened her pace and kept up with her.
They were soon within thirty yards of the
gentleman. Marianne
looked again; her heart sunk within her; and abruptly
turning round, she was hurrying back, when the voices
of both her sisters were raised to detain her; a third,
almost as well known as Willoughby's, joined them in begging
her to stop, and she turned round with surprise to
see and welcome Edward Ferrars.
He
was the only person in the world who could at that moment be
forgiven for not being
Willoughby; the only one who could have gained a
smile from her; but she dispersed her tears to smile on him,
and in her sister's happiness forgot for a time her
own disappointment.
He
dismounted, and giving his horse to his servant, walked back
with them to Barton, whither
he was purposely coming to visit them.
He
was welcomed by them all with great cordiality, but especially
by Marianne, who showed
more warmth of regard in her reception of him than even
Elinor herself. To Marianne, indeed, the meeting between
Edward and her sister was but a continuation of that
unaccountable coldness which she had often observed at Norland
in their
mutual behaviour. On Edward's side, more particularly,
there was a deficiency of all that a lover ought to look and
say on such an occasion. He was confused, seemed scarcely
sensible of pleasure in seeing them, looked neither rapturous
nor gay, said little but what was forced from him
by questions, and distinguished Elinor by no mark of
affection. Marianne saw and listened with
increasing surprise. She began almost to feel a dislike of
Edward; and it ended, as every feeling must end with her, by
carrying back her thoughts to Willoughby, whose manners
formed a contrast sufficiently striking to those of his
brother elect.
After
a short silence which succeeded the first surprise and
enquiries of meeting,
Marianne asked
Edward if he came directly from
London. No, he
had been in Devonshire a fortnight.
"A
fortnight!" she repeated, surprised at his being so long in
the same county with Elinor
without seeing her before.
He
looked rather distressed as he added, that he had been staying
with some friends near
Plymouth.
"Have
you been lately in Sussex?" said Elinor.
"I
was at Norland about a month ago."
"And
how does dear, dear Norland look?" cried Marianne.
"Dear,
dear Norland," said Elinor, "probably looks much as it always
does at this time of
the year.
The woods and walks thickly covered with
dead leaves."
"Oh,"
cried Marianne, "with what transporting sensation have I
formerly seen them fall! How
have I delighted, as I walked, to see them driven in
showers about me by the wind!
What feelings have they, the season, the
air altogether inspired!
Now there is no one to regard them. They
are seen only as a nuisance, swept
hastily off, and driven as much as possible from the
sight."
"It
is not every one," said Elinor, "who has your passion for dead
leaves."
"No;
my feelings are not often shared, not often understood. But sometimes they
are."--As she said
this, she sunk into a reverie for a few
moments;--but rousing herself again, "Now, Edward,"
said she, calling his attention to the prospect, "here is
Barton
valley. Look up to
it, and be tranquil if you can.
Look at those hills! Did you ever see their
equals? To the left
is Barton park, amongst those woods and
plantations. You
may see the end of the house.
And there, beneath that farthest
hill, which
rises with such grandeur, is our
cottage."
"It
is a beautiful country," he replied; "but these bottoms must
be dirty in winter."
"How
can you think of dirt, with such objects before you?"
"Because,"
replied he, smiling, "among the rest of the objects before me,
I see a very dirty
lane."
"How
strange!" said Marianne to herself as she walked on.
"Have
you an agreeable neighbourhood here?
Are the Middletons pleasant people?"
"No,
not all," answered Marianne; "we could not be more
unfortunately situated."
"Marianne,"
cried her sister, "how can you say so? How
can you be so unjust? They
are a very respectable family, Mr.
Ferrars; and towards us have behaved in the
friendliest manner. Have
you
forgot, Marianne, how many pleasant days
we have owed to them?"
"No,"
said Marianne, in a low voice, "nor how many painful moments."
Elinor
took no notice of this; and directing her attention to their
visitor, endeavoured
to support
something like discourse with him, by
talking of their present residence, its conveniences,
&c. extorting from him occasional questions and
remarks. His
coldness and reserve mortified her severely; she was vexed
and half angry; but resolving to regulate her behaviour
to him by the past rather than the present, she avoided
every appearance of resentment or displeasure, and
treated him as she thought he ought to be treated from the
family connection.
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