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Chapter 28
Nothing
occurred during the next three or four days, to make Elinor
regret what she had done,
in applying to her mother; for Willoughby neither
came nor wrote. They were engaged about the end of that
time to attend Lady Middleton to a party, from which
Mrs. Jennings was kept away by the indisposition of her
youngest daughter; and for this party, Marianne, wholly
dispirited, careless of her appearance, and seeming
equally indifferent whether she went or staid, prepared,
without one look of hope or one expression of
pleasure. She sat
by the drawing-room fire after tea, till the
moment of Lady Middleton's arrival, without once
stirring from her seat, or altering her attitude, lost in her
own thoughts, and insensible of her sister's presence;
and when at last they were told that Lady Middleton
waited for them at the door, she started as if she had
forgotten that any one was expected.
They
arrived in due time at the place of destination, and as soon
as the string of carriages
before them would allow, alighted, ascended the
stairs, heard their names announced from one landing-place
to another in an audible voice, and entered a room
splendidly lit up, quite full of company, and insufferably
hot. When they
had paid their tribute of politeness by
curtsying to the lady of the house, they were permitted to
mingle in the crowd, and take their share of the heat and
inconvenience, to which their arrival must necessarily
add. After some
time spent in saying little or doing less,
Lady Middleton sat down to Casino, and as Marianne was not
in spirits for moving about, she and Elinor luckily
succeeding to chairs, placed themselves at no great distance
from the table.
They
had not remained in this manner long, before Elinor perceived
Willoughby, standing within a
few yards of them, in earnest conversation with a
very fashionable looking young woman.
She soon caught his eye, and he immediately
bowed, but without
attempting to speak to her, or to approach Marianne, though he
could
not but see her; and then continued his discourse with
the same lady. Elinor turned involuntarily to Marianne,
to see whether it could be unobserved by her.
At that moment she first perceived him, and
her whole countenance
glowing with sudden delight, she would have moved
towards him instantly, had not her sister caught hold of her.
"Good
heavens!" she exclaimed, "he is there--he is there--Oh! why
does he not look at
me? why cannot I speak to him?"
"Pray,
pray be composed," cried Elinor, "and do not betray what you
feel to every body
present.
Perhaps he has not observed you
yet."
This
however was more than she could believe herself; and to be
composed at such a moment was
not only beyond the reach of Marianne, it was beyond her
wish. She
sat in an agony of impatience which affected
every feature.
At
last he turned round again, and regarded them both; she
started up, and pronouncing his name
in a tone of affection, held out her hand to
him. He
approached, and addressing himself rather to Elinor
than Marianne, as if wishing to avoid her eye, and
determined not to observe her attitude, inquired in a
hurried manner after Mrs. Dashwood, and asked how long they
had been in town. Elinor was robbed of all presence of
mind by such an address, and was unable to say a word. But the feelings of her
sister were instantly expressed.
Her face was crimsoned over, and she
exclaimed, in a voice of the
greatest emotion, "Good God! Willoughby, what is the
meaning of this? Have you not received my letters? Will you not
shake hands with me?"
He
could not then avoid it, but her touch seemed painful to him,
and he held her hand only
for a moment. During all this time he was evidently
struggling for composure. Elinor watched his countenance and
saw
its expression becoming more tranquil.
After a moment's pause, he spoke with
calmness.
"I
did myself the honour of calling in Berkeley Street last
Tuesday, and very much
regretted that I was not fortunate enough to find yourselves
and Mrs. Jennings at home.
My card was not lost, I hope."
"But
have you not received my notes?" cried Marianne in the wildest
anxiety. "Here is
some mistake I am sure--some dreadful mistake.
What can be the meaning of it? Tell me, Willoughby; for
heaven's sake tell me, what is the matter?"
He
made no reply; his complexion changed and all
his embarrassment returned; but as if, on
catching the eye of the young lady with whom he had been
previously talking, he felt the necessity of instant
exertion, he recovered himself again, and after saying,
"Yes, I had the pleasure of receiving the information of your
arrival in town, which you were so good as to send
me," turned hastily away with a slight bow and joined his
friend.
Marianne,
now looking dreadfully white, and unable to stand, sunk into
her chair, and
Elinor, expecting every moment to see her faint, tried to
screen
her from the observation of others, while reviving
her with lavender water.
"Go
to him, Elinor," she cried, as soon as she could speak, "and
force him to come
to me. Tell
him I must see him again--must speak to him
instantly.-- I cannot rest--I shall not have a
moment's peace till this is explained--some dreadful
misapprehension or other.-- Oh go to him this moment."
"How
can that be done? No, my dearest Marianne, you must wait. This is not the place for
explanations. Wait only till tomorrow."
With
difficulty however could she prevent her from following him
herself; and to
persuade her to check her agitation, to wait, at least, with
the appearance of composure, till she might speak to
him with more privacy and more effect, was impossible; for
Marianne continued incessantly to give way in a low voice
to the misery of her feelings, by exclamations of
wretchedness. In a short time Elinor saw Willoughby
quit the room by the door towards the staircase, and telling
Marianne
that he was gone, urged the impossibility of
speaking to him again that evening, as a fresh argument for
her to be calm. She instantly begged her sister would
entreat Lady Middleton to take them home, as she was
too miserable to stay a minute longer.
Lady
Middleton, though in the middle of a rubber, on being informed
that Marianne was
unwell, was too polite to object for a moment to her
wish of going away, and making over her cards to a friend,
they departed as soon the carriage could be
found. Scarcely a
word was spoken during their return to
Berkeley Street. Marianne was in a silent agony, too much
oppressed even for tears; but as Mrs. Jennings was
luckily not come home, they could go directly to their own
room, where hartshorn restored her a little to
herself. She was
soon undressed and in bed, and as
she seemed desirous
of being alone, her sister then left her, and while she
waited the return of Mrs. Jennings, had leisure enough for
thinking over the past.
That
some kind of engagement had subsisted between Willoughby and
Marianne she
could not doubt, and that Willoughby was weary of it,
seemed equally clear; for however Marianne might still feed
her own wishes, she could not attribute such behaviour
to mistake or misapprehension of any kind.
Nothing but a thorough change of sentiment
could account for
it. Her
indignation would have been still stronger than it
was, had she not witnessed that embarrassment which
seemed to speak a consciousness of his own misconduct,
and prevented her from believing him so unprincipled
as to have been sporting with the affections of her
sister from the first, without any design that would bear
investigation. Absence might have weakened his regard,
and convenience might have determined him to overcome
it, but that such a regard had formerly existed she could
not bring herself to doubt.
As
for Marianne, on the pangs which so unhappy a meeting must
already have given her, and on
those still more severe which might await her in its
probable consequence, she could not reflect without the
deepest concern. Her own situation gained in the
comparison; for while she could esteem Edward as much as ever,
however they might be divided in future, her mind might be
always
supported. But every circumstance that could
embitter such an evil seemed uniting to heighten the misery of
Marianne in a final separation from
Willoughby--in an immediate and irreconcilable rupture with
him.
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