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Chapter 31
From
a night of more sleep than she had expected, Marianne
awoke the next morning to the
same consciousness of misery in which she had closed her
eyes.
Elinor
encouraged her as much as possible to talk of what she felt;
and before breakfast
was ready, they had gone through the subject again and
again; and with the same steady conviction and affectionate
counsel on Elinor's side, the same impetuous feelings and
varying
opinions on Marianne's, as before.
Sometimes
she could believe Willoughby to be as unfortunate and as
innocent as herself, and at others, lost every consolation in
the impossibility of acquitting him.
At one moment she was
absolutely indifferent to the observation of all
the world, at another she would seclude herself from it for
ever, and at a third could resist it with energy. In one thing,
however, she was uniform, when it came to the
point, in avoiding, where it was possible, the presence of
Mrs. Jennings, and in a determined silence when obliged
to endure it. Her heart was hardened against the
belief of Mrs. Jennings's entering into her sorrows with any
compassion.
"No,
no, no, it cannot be," she cried; "she cannot feel. Her kindness is not
sympathy; her good-nature is not tenderness.
All that she wants is gossip, and she only
likes me now
because I supply it."
Elinor
had not needed this to be assured of the injustice to which
her sister was often led in her
opinion of others, by the irritable refinement of her own
mind, and the too great importance placed by her on the
delicacies of a strong sensibility, and the graces of a
polished manner. Like half the rest of the world, if more
than half there be that are clever and good, Marianne,
with excellent abilities and an excellent disposition,
was neither reasonable nor candid.
She expected from other people the same
opinions and feelings as her
own, and she judged of their motives by the immediate effect
of their actions on herself.
Thus a circumstance occurred, while
the sisters were together in their own room
after breakfast, which sunk the heart of Mrs. Jennings
still lower in her estimation; because, through her
own weakness, it chanced to prove a source of fresh
pain to herself, though Mrs. Jennings was governed in it
by an impulse of the utmost goodwill.
With
a letter in her outstretched hand, and countenance gaily
smiling, from the persuasion of
bringing comfort, she entered their room, saying,
"Now,
my dear, I bring you something that I am sure will do you
good."
Marianne
heard enough. In
one
moment her imagination placed before her a letter from
Willoughby, full of tenderness and contrition, explanatory of
all that
had passed, satisfactory, convincing; and instantly followed
by
Willoughby himself, rushing eagerly into the room to
inforce, at her feet, by the eloquence of his eyes, the
assurances of his letter. The work of one moment was destroyed
by
the next. The hand writing of her mother, never
till then unwelcome, was before her; and, in the acuteness of
the disappointment which followed such an ecstasy of more
than hope, she felt as if, till that instant, she
had never suffered.
The
cruelty of Mrs. Jennings no language, within her reach in her moments
of happiest
eloquence, could have expressed; and now she could
reproach her only by the tears which streamed from
her eyes with passionate violence--a reproach,
however, so entirely lost on its object, that after many
expressions of pity, she withdrew, still referring her to the
letter of comfort. But the letter, when she was calm enough
to read it, brought little comfort.
Willoughby filled every page. Her mother,
still confident of their engagement,
and relying as warmly as ever on his constancy, had
only been roused by Elinor's application, to intreat from
Marianne greater openness towards them both; and this,
with such tenderness towards her, such affection for
Willoughby, and such a conviction of their future happiness
in each other, that she wept with agony through the
whole of it.
All
her impatience to be at home again now returned; her mother
was dearer to her than ever;
dearer through the very excess of her mistaken confidence
in Willoughby, and she was wildly urgent to be
gone. Elinor,
unable herself to determine whether it were better for
Marianne to be in London or at Barton, offered no
counsel of her own except of patience till their mother's
wishes could be known; and at length she obtained her sister's
consent to wait for that knowledge.
Mrs.
Jennings left them earlier than usual; for she could not be
easy till the Middletons
and Palmers were able to grieve as much as herself; and
positively refusing Elinor's offered attendance, went out
alone for the rest of the morning.
Elinor, with a very heavy heart, aware
of the pain she was going to communicate,
and perceiving, by Marianne's letter, how ill she had
succeeded in laying any foundation for it, then sat down to
write her mother an account of what had passed, and
entreat her directions for the future; while Marianne, who
came
into the drawing-room on Mrs. Jennings's going away, remained
fixed at the table where Elinor wrote, watching the
advancement
of her pen, grieving over her for the hardship of
such a task, and grieving still more fondly over its
effect on her mother.
In
this manner they had continued about a quarter of an hour,
when Marianne, whose nerves
could not then bear any sudden noise, was startled by a
rap at the door.
"Who
can this be?" cried Elinor. "So
early too! I thought we had been safe."
Marianne
moved to the window--
"It
is Colonel Brandon!" said she, with vexation. "We are never
safe from him."
"He
will not come in, as Mrs. Jennings is from home."
"I
will not trust to that," retreating to her own room. "A man
who has nothing to do with
his own time has no conscience in his intrusion on that of
others."
The
event proved her conjecture right, though it was founded on
injustice and error; for
Colonel Brandon did come in; and Elinor, who was
convinced that solicitude for Marianne brought him
thither, and who saw that solicitude in his disturbed and
melancholy look, and in his anxious though brief inquiry
after her, could not forgive her sister for
esteeming him so lightly.
"I
met Mrs. Jennings in Bond Street," said he, after the first
salutation, "and
she encouraged me to come on; and I was the more easily
encouraged, because I thought it probable that I
might find you alone, which I was very desirous of doing. My
object--my wish--my sole wish in desiring it--I
hope, I believe it is--is to be a means of giving
comfort;--no, I must not say comfort--not present
comfort--but conviction, lasting conviction to your sister's
mind. My regard for
her, for yourself, for your mother--will you
allow me to prove it, by relating some circumstances which
nothing but a very sincere regard--nothing but an earnest
desire of being useful--I think I am justified--though
where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself
that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may
be wrong?" He stopped.
"I
understand you," said Elinor. "You
have something to tell me of Mr. Willoughby, that will
open his character farther.
Your telling it will be the greatest act of
friendship that can be shewn Marianne.
My gratitude will be insured immediately by
any information tending
to that end, and hers must be gained by it in time.
Pray, pray let me hear it."
"You
shall; and, to be brief, when I quitted Barton last
October,--but this will give you no
idea--I must go farther back.
You will find me a very awkward
narrator, Miss Dashwood; I hardly know where to
begin. A
short account of myself, I believe, will be
necessary, and it shall be a short one.
On such a subject," sighing heavily, "can I
have little temptation to be
diffuse."
He
stopt a moment for recollection, and then, with another sigh,
went on.
"You
have probably entirely forgotten a conversation-- (it is not
to be supposed that it could
make any impression on you)--a conversation between us one
evening at Barton Park--it was the evening of a dance--in
which I alluded to a lady I had once known, as
resembling, in some measure, your sister Marianne."
"Indeed,"
answered Elinor, "I have not forgotten
it." He looked pleased by this remembrance,
and added,
"If
I am not deceived by the uncertainty, the partiality of tender
recollection, there is a very
strong resemblance between them, as well in mind as
person. The same
warmth of heart, the same eagerness of fancy
and spirits. This lady was one of my nearest
relations, an orphan from her infancy, and under the
guardianship
of my father. Our ages were nearly the same, and from
our earliest years we were playfellows and friends. I cannot remember
the time when I did not love Eliza; and my
affection for her, as we grew up, was such, as perhaps,
judging from my present forlorn and cheerless gravity,
you might think me incapable of having ever felt. Her's, for me, was, I
believe, fervent as the attachment of your sister
to Mr. Willoughby and it was, though from a different
cause, no less unfortunate. At seventeen she was lost to me
for
ever. She
was married-- married against her inclination
to my brother. Her fortune was large, and our family
estate much encumbered. And this, I fear, is all that can be
said for the conduct of one, who was at once her
uncle and guardian. My brother did not deserve her; he did
not even love her. I had hoped that her regard for me would
support her under any difficulty, and for some time
it did; but at last the misery of her situation, for
she experienced great unkindness, overcame all her
resolution, and though she had promised me that nothing--but
how blindly I relate! I
have never told you how this was brought on. We were within a
few hours of eloping
together for Scotland. The treachery,
or the folly, of my
cousin's maid betrayed us. I was banished to the house of a
relation far distant, and she was allowed no liberty, no
society, no amusement, till my father's point was gained. I had depended on
her fortitude too far, and the blow was a
severe one-- but had her marriage been happy, so
young as I then was, a few months must have reconciled me to
it, or at least I should not have now to lament it. This however was
not the case. My
brother had no regard for her; his pleasures were not what
they ought
to have been, and from the first he treated her
unkindly. The
consequence of this, upon a mind so young, so
lively, so inexperienced as Mrs. Brandon's, was but too
natural. She
resigned herself at first to all the misery of
her situation; and happy had it been if she had not
lived to overcome those regrets which the remembrance of me
occasioned. But can
we wonder that, with such a husband to
provoke inconstancy, and without a friend to advise or
restrain her (for my father lived only a few months after
their marriage, and I was with my regiment in the East
Indies) she should fall?
Had I
remained in England, perhaps--but I meant to promote the
happiness of both
by removing from her for years, and for that purpose
had procured my exchange.
The shock which her marriage had given
me," he continued, in a voice of great
agitation, "was of trifling weight--was nothing to what I
felt when I heard, about two years afterwards, of her
divorce. It was
that which threw this gloom,--even now
the recollection of what I suffered--"
He
could say no more, and rising hastily walked for a few minutes
about the room. Elinor,
affected by his relation, and still more by his distress,
could
not speak. He
saw her concern, and coming to her, took her
hand, pressed it, and kissed it with grateful
respect. A few
minutes more of silent exertion enabled him to
proceed with composure.
"It
was nearly three years after this unhappy period before I
returned to
England. My first
care, when I did arrive, was of course to seek
for her; but the search was as fruitless as it
was melancholy. I could not trace her beyond her first
seducer, and there was every reason to fear that she had
removed from him only to sink deeper in a life of
sin. Her legal
allowance was not adequate to her fortune, nor
sufficient for her comfortable maintenance, and I learnt
from my brother that the power of receiving it had been made
over some months before to another person.
He imagined, and calmly could he imagine
it, that her extravagance, and
consequent distress, had obliged her to dispose of it for
some immediate relief. At last, however, and after I had been
six months in England, I did find her.
Regard for a former servant of my own, who
had since fallen into misfortune,
carried me to visit him in a spunging-house, where he was
confined for debt; and there, the same house, under a
similar confinement, was my unfortunate sister. So altered--so
faded--worn down by acute suffering of every kind!
hardly could I believe the melancholy and sickly figure
before me, to be the remains of the lovely,
blooming, healthful girl, on whom I had once doted. What I endured in so
beholding her--but I have no right to wound your
feelings by attempting to describe it--I have pained you too
much already. That she was, to all appearance, in the
last stage of a consumption, was--yes, in such a
situation it was my greatest comfort.
Life could do nothing for her, beyond
giving time for a better preparation
for death; and that was given.
I saw her placed in comfortable
lodgings, and under proper attendants; I visited
her every day during the rest of her short life: I was
with her in her last moments."
Again
he stopped to recover himself; and Elinor spoke her feelings
in an exclamation of
tender concern, at the fate of his unfortunate friend.
"Your
sister, I hope, cannot be offended," said he, "by the
resemblance I have fancied
between her and my poor disgraced relation.
Their fates, their fortunes, cannot be the
same; and had the natural
sweet disposition of the one been guarded by a
firmer mind, or a happier marriage, she might have
been all that you will live to see the other be. But to what does all
this lead? I
seem to have been distressing you for nothing. Ah! Miss
Dashwood--a subject such as
this--untouched for fourteen years--it is dangerous to
handle it at all! I will be more collected--more
concise. She left
to my care her only child, a little girl, the offspring
of her first guilty connection, who was then about
three years old. She loved the child, and had always kept
it with her. It was a valued, a precious trust to me;
and gladly would I have discharged it in the
strictest sense, by watching over her education myself,
had the nature of our situations allowed it; but I had
no family, no home; and my little Eliza was therefore placed
at school. I saw her there whenever I could, and
after the death of my brother, (which happened about five
years ago, and which left to me the possession of the family
property,) she visited me at Delaford.
I called her a distant relation; but I am
well aware that I have in
general been suspected of a much nearer connection with
her. It is now
three years ago (she had just reached her
fourteenth year,) that I removed her from school, to place
her under the care of a very respectable woman, residing in
Dorsetshire, who had the charge of four or five other
girls of about the same time of life; and for two years
I had every reason to be pleased with her situation. But last
February, almost a twelvemonth back, she suddenly
disappeared. I had allowed her, (imprudently, as it
has since turned out,) at her earnest desire, to go to
Bath with one of her young friends, who was attending her
father there for his health.
I knew him to be a very good sort of
man, and I thought well of his
daughter--better than she deserved, for, with a most obstinate
and
ill-judged secrecy, she would tell nothing, would give no
clue, though she certainly knew all.
He, her father, a well-meaning, but not a
quick-sighted man, could
really, I believe, give no information; for he had been
generally confined to the house, while the girls were
ranging over the town and making what acquaintance they chose;
and he tried to convince me, as thoroughly as he was
convinced himself, of his daughter's being entirely
unconcerned in the business. In short, I could learn nothing
but that
she was gone; all the rest, for eight long months, was
left to conjecture. What I thought, what I feared, may be
imagined; and what I suffered too."
"Good
heavens!" cried Elinor, "could it be--could Willoughby!"--
"The
first news that reached me of her," he continued, "came in a
letter from herself,
last October. It was forwarded to me from Delaford,
and I received it on the very morning of our intended
party to Whitwell; and this was the reason of my leaving
Barton so suddenly, which I am sure must at the time have
appeared strange to every body, and which I believe gave
offence to some. Little did Mr. Willoughby imagine, I
suppose, when his looks censured me for incivility in
breaking up the party, that I was called away to the relief of
one whom he had made poor and miserable; but had he
known it, what would it have availed?
Would he have been less gay or less happy
in the smiles of your
sister? No, he
had already done that, which no man
who can feel for another would do.
He had left the girl whose youth and
innocence he had seduced, in a
situation of the utmost distress, with no creditable
home, no help, no friends, ignorant of his
address! He had
left her, promising to return; he neither
returned, nor wrote, nor relieved her."
"This
is beyond every thing!" exclaimed Elinor.
"His
character is now before you; expensive, dissipated, and worse
than both. Knowing
all this, as I have now known it many weeks, guess what I must
have felt on seeing your sister as fond of him as ever, and
on being assured that she was to marry him: guess what I
must have felt for all your sakes.
When I came to you last week and found you
alone, I came determined to
know the truth; though irresolute what to do when it was
known. My behaviour must have seemed strange to
you then; but now you will comprehend it.
To suffer you all to be so deceived; to see
your sister--but
what could I do? I had no hope of interfering with
success; and sometimes I thought your sister's influence might
yet reclaim him. But now, after such dishonorable usage,
who can tell what were his designs on her.
Whatever they may have been, however, she
may now, and hereafter
doubtless will turn with gratitude towards her own
condition, when she compares it with that of my poor Eliza,
when she considers the wretched and hopeless situation of
this poor girl, and pictures her to herself, with an
affection for him so strong, still as strong as her own, and
with a
mind tormented by self-reproach, which must attend her
through life. Surely this comparison must have its use
with her. She will feel her own sufferings to be
nothing. They proceed
from no misconduct, and can
bring no disgrace. On the contrary, every friend must be
made still more her friend by them.
Concern for her unhappiness, and respect
for her fortitude under it,
must strengthen every attachment.
Use your own discretion, however, in
communicating to her what I have told
you. You
must know best what will be its effect; but
had I not seriously, and from my heart believed it might be
of service, might lessen her regrets, I would not
have suffered myself to trouble you with this account
of my family afflictions, with a recital which may
seem to have been intended to raise myself at the expense
of others."
Elinor's
thanks followed this speech with grateful earnestness;
attended too with the
assurance of her expecting material advantage to
Marianne, from the communication of what had passed.
"I
have been more pained," said she, "by her endeavours to acquit
him than by all the
rest; for it irritates her mind more than the most
perfect conviction of his unworthiness can do.
Now, though at first she will suffer much,
I am sure she will
soon become easier. Have you," she continued, after a
short silence, "ever seen Mr. Willoughby since you
left him at Barton?"
"Yes,"
he replied gravely, "once I have.
One meeting was unavoidable."
Elinor,
startled by his manner, looked at him anxiously, saying,
"What?
have you met him to--"
"I
could meet him no other way. Eliza
had confessed to me, though most reluctantly, the name
of her lover; and when he returned to town, which was
within a fortnight after myself, we met by appointment, he
to defend, I to punish his conduct.
We returned unwounded, and the meeting,
therefore, never got
abroad."
Elinor
sighed over the fancied necessity of this; but to a man and a
soldier she presumed
not to censure it.
"Such,"
said Colonel Brandon, after a pause, "has been the unhappy
resemblance
between the fate of mother and daughter! and so imperfectly
have I
discharged my trust!"
"Is
she still in town?"
"No;
as soon as she recovered from her lying-in, for I found her
near her delivery, I
removed her and her child into the country, and there she
remains."
Recollecting,
soon afterwards, that he was probably dividing Elinor from her
sister, he put
an end to his visit, receiving from her again the same
grateful acknowledgments, and leaving her full of compassion
and
esteem for him.
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