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Chapter 38
Mrs. Jennings was very warm in
her praise of Edward's conduct, but only Elinor
and Marianne
understood its true merit.
They only knew how little he had had to
tempt him to be disobedient, and how small was
the consolation, beyond the consciousness of doing right,
that could remain to him in the loss of friends and
fortune. Elinor gloried in his integrity; and
Marianne forgave all his offences in compassion for his
punishment. But
though confidence between them was, by this
public discovery, restored to its proper state, it was not
a subject on which either of them were fond of
dwelling when alone. Elinor avoided it upon principle, as
tending to fix still more upon her thoughts, by the too warm,
too positive assurances of Marianne, that belief of
Edward's continued affection for herself which she rather
wished to do away; and Marianne's courage soon failed her,
in trying to converse upon a topic which always
left her more dissatisfied with herself than ever, by
the comparison it necessarily produced between Elinor's
conduct and her own.
She
felt all the force of that comparison; but not as her sister
had hoped, to urge her to
exertion now; she felt it with all the pain of
continual self-reproach, regretted most bitterly that she had
never exerted herself before; but it brought only the
torture of penitence, without the hope of amendment. Her mind was so much
weakened that she still fancied present exertion
impossible, and therefore it only dispirited her
more.
Nothing
new was heard by them, for a day or two afterwards, of affairs
in Harley
Street, or Bartlett's
Buildings. But though so much of the matter was
known to them already, that Mrs. Jennings might have had
enough
to do in spreading that knowledge farther, without seeking
after more, she had resolved from the first to pay a
visit of comfort and inquiry to her cousins as soon as
she could; and nothing but the hindrance of more
visitors than usual, had prevented her going to them within
that time.
The
third day succeeding their knowledge of the particulars, was
so fine, so beautiful a
Sunday as to draw many to Kensington Gardens,
though it was only the second week in March.
Mrs. Jennings and Elinor were of the
number; but Marianne, who knew that the
Willoughbys were again in town, and had a constant dread of
meeting them, chose rather to stay at home, than
venture into so public a place.
An intimate acquaintance of Mrs.
Jennings joined them soon after they entered the
Gardens, and Elinor was not sorry that by her continuing with
them, and engaging all Mrs. Jennings's conversation, she
was herself left to quiet reflection.
She saw nothing of the Willoughbys, nothing
of Edward, and for some time
nothing of anybody who could by any chance whether grave or
gay, be interesting to her.
But at last she found herself with some
surprise, accosted by Miss Steele, who, though
looking rather shy,expressed great satisfaction in meeting
them, and on receiving encouragement from the particular
kindness of Mrs. Jennings, left her own party for a short
time, to
join their's. Mrs. Jennings immediately whispered to
Elinor,
"Get
it all out of her, my dear. She
will tell you any thing if you ask.
You see I cannot leave
Mrs. Clarke."
It
was lucky, however, for Mrs. Jennings's curiosity and Elinor's
too, that she would tell
any thing without being asked; for nothing would otherwise
have been learnt.
"I
am so glad to meet you;" said Miss Steele, taking her
familiarly by the
arm--"for I wanted to see you of all things in the world." And then lowering her
voice, "I suppose Mrs. Jennings has heard
all about it. Is she angry?"
"Not
at all, I believe, with you."
"That
is a good thing. And
Lady Middleton, is she angry?"
"I
cannot suppose it possible that she should be."
"I
am monstrous glad of it. Good
gracious! I
have had such a time of it!
I never saw Lucy in such a
rage in my life. She
vowed at first she would never trim me up a new bonnet, nor do
any thing else
for me again, so long as she lived; but now she is
quite come to, and we are as good friends as ever. Look, she made
me this
bow to my hat, and put in the
feather last night. There now, you are going to laugh at me
too. But
why should not I wear pink ribbons?
I do not care if it is the Doctor's
favourite colour. I
am sure, for my part, I should never have known he did like it
better than any other colour, if he had not happened
to say so. My cousins have been so plaguing
me! I declare
sometimes I do not know which way to look before
them."
She
had wandered away to a subject on which Elinor had nothing to
say, and therefore soon
judged it expedient to find her way back again to the first.
"Well,
but Miss Dashwood," speaking triumphantly, "people may say
what they chuse
about Mr. Ferrars's declaring he would not have Lucy, for it
is no such thing I can tell you; and it is quite a shame
for such ill-natured reports to be spread abroad. Whatever Lucy might
think about it herself, you know, it was no
business of other people to set it down for certain."
"I
never heard any thing of the kind hinted at before, I assure
you," said Elinor.
"Oh,
did not you? But it
was
said, I know, very well, and by more than one; for Miss Godby
told Miss Sparks, that nobody in their senses could expect
Mr. Ferrars to give up a woman like Miss Morton,
with thirty thousand pounds to her fortune, for Lucy Steele
that had nothing at all; and I had it from Miss
Sparks myself. And besides that, my cousin Richard said
himself, that when it came to the point he was
afraid Mr. Ferrars would be off; and when Edward did not
come near us for three days, I could not tell what to
think myself; and I believe in my heart Lucy gave it
up all for lost; for we came away from your brother's
Wednesday, and we saw nothing of him not all
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and did not know what was
become of him. Once Lucy thought to write to him, but
then her spirits rose against that.
However this morning he came just as we
came home from church; and then it
all came out, how he had been sent for Wednesday to Harley Street, and
been talked to by his mother and all
of them, and how he had declared before them all
that he loved nobody but Lucy, and nobody but Lucy
would he have. And how he had been so worried by what
passed, that as soon as he had went away from
his mother's house, he had got upon his horse, and rid into
the country, some where or other; and how he had
stayed about at an inn all Thursday and Friday, on purpose to
get the better of it. And
after thinking it all over and over
again, he said, it seemed to him as if, now he
had no fortune, and no nothing at all, it would be quite
unkind to keep
her on to the engagement, because it
must be for her loss, for he had nothing but two thousand
pounds, and no hope of any thing else; and if he was to go
into orders, as he had some
thoughts, he could get
nothing but a curacy, and how was they
to live upon that?--He
could not bear to think of her doing no better, and so
he begged, if she had the least mind for it, to put
an end to the matter directly, and leave him shift for
himself. I heard him say all this as plain as
could possibly be. And it was entirely for her sake, and
upon her account, that he said a word about being off, and
not upon his own. I will take my oath he never dropt a
syllable
of being tired of her, or of wishing to marry
Miss Morton, or any thing like it.
But, to be sure, Lucy would not give ear to
such kind of talking; so she told
him directly (with a great deal about sweet and love,
you know, and all that--Oh, la! one can't repeat
such kind of things you know)--she told him directly, she
had not the least mind in the world to be off, for she
could live with him upon a trifle, and how little so ever he
might have, she should be very glad to have it all,
you know, or something of the kind.
So then he was monstrous happy, and talked
on some time about what they
should do, and they agreed he should take orders
directly, and they must wait to be married till he
got a living. And just then I
could not hear any more,
for my cousin called from below to tell me Mrs.
Richardson was come in her coach, and would take one of us to Kensington
Gardens; so
I was forced to go into the room and
interrupt them, to ask Lucy if she would like to go, but
she did not care to leave Edward; so I just run up
stairs and put on a pair of silk stockings and came off
with the Richardsons."
"I
do not understand what you mean by interrupting them," said
Elinor; "you were all in the
same room together, were not you?"
"No, indeed, not us.
La! Miss Dashwood, do you think people make
love when any body
else is by? Oh, for
shame!--To be sure you must know
better than that. (Laughing affectedly.)--No, no; they
were shut up in the drawing-room together, and all I heard
was only by listening at the door."
"How!"
cried Elinor; "have you been repeating to me what you only
learnt yourself by
listening at the door? I am sorry I did not know it before;
for
I certainly would not have suffered you to give me
particulars of a conversation which you ought not to have
known yourself. How could you behave so unfairly by your
sister?"
"Oh,
la! there is nothing in that. I
only stood at the door, and heard what I
could. And I am
sure Lucy would have done just the same by me; for a
year or two back, when Martha Sharpe and I had so many
secrets together, she never made any bones of hiding in a
closet, or behind a chimney-board, on purpose to hear what
we said."
Elinor
tried to talk of something else; but Miss Steele could not be
kept beyond a couple
of minutes, from what was uppermost in her mind.
"Edward
talks of going to Oxford
soon," said she; "but now he is lodging at No. --, Pall Mall.
What an ill-natured woman his mother is,
an't
she? And your brother and sister were not very kind!
However, I shan't say anything against them to you; and to be
sure they did send us home in their own
chariot, which was more than I looked for.
And for my part, I was all in a fright for
fear your sister should
ask us for the housewifes she had gave us a day
or two
before; but, however, nothing was said about them, and I took
care to keep mine out of sight.
Edward has got some business at Oxford, he
says; so he must go there for a time;
and after that, as soon as he can light upon a Bishop,
he will be ordained. I wonder what curacy he will get!--Good
gracious! (giggling as she spoke) I'd lay my life
I know what my cousins will say, when they hear of
it. They
will tell me I should write to the Doctor, to
get Edward the curacy of his new living.
I know they will; but I am sure I would not do such
a thing for all
the world.-- 'La!' I shall say directly, 'I wonder
how you could think of such a thing?
I write to the Doctor, indeed!'"
"Well,"
said Elinor, "it is a comfort to be prepared against the worst. You have got your answer
ready."
Miss
Steele was going to reply on the same subject, but the
approach of her own party made
another more necessary.
"Oh, la! here come the Richardsons. I had a vast
deal more to say to you, but I
must not stay
away from them not any longer.
I assure you they are very genteel
people. He
makes a monstrous deal of money, and
they keep their own coach.
I have not time to speak to Mrs. Jennings
about it myself, but pray tell her I am quite
happy to hear she is not in anger against us, and Lady
Middleton the same; and if anything should happen to take
you and your sister away, and Mrs. Jennings should
want company, I am sure we should be very glad to come
and stay with her for as long a time as she likes. I suppose Lady
Middleton won't ask us any more this bout.
Good-by; I am sorry Miss Marianne was not
here. Remember me
kindly to her. La! if you have not got your spotted
muslin on!--I wonder you was not afraid of its being
torn."
Such
was her parting concern; for after this, she had time only to
pay her farewell
compliments to Mrs. Jennings, before her company was claimed
by Mrs.
Richardson; and Elinor was left in possession of
knowledge which might feed her powers of reflection some
time, though she had learnt very little more than what
had been already foreseen and foreplanned in her own
mind. Edward's
marriage with Lucy was as firmly determined on,
and the time of its taking place remained as
absolutely uncertain, as she had concluded it would be;--every
thing depended, exactly after her expectation, on his
getting that preferment, of which, at
present, there seemed
not
the smallest chance.
As
soon as they returned to the carriage, Mrs. Jennings was eager
for information;
but as Elinor wished to spread as little as possible
intelligence that had in the first place been so
unfairly obtained, she confined herself to the brief
repetition of such simple particulars, as she felt assured
that Lucy, for the sake of her own consequence,
would choose to have known.
The continuance of their engagement, and
the means that were able to be taken
for promoting its end, was all her communication; and
this produced from Mrs. Jennings the following natural
remark.
"Wait
for his having a living!--ay, we all know how that will end:--they will
wait a
twelvemonth, and finding no good comes of it, will set down
upon
a curacy of fifty pounds a-year, with the interest of his
two thousand pounds, and what little matter Mr. Steele and
Mr. Pratt can give her.--Then they will have a child
every year! and Lord help 'em! how poor they will be!--I
must see what I can give them towards furnishing
their house. Two maids and two men, indeed!--as I
talked of t'other day. --No, no, they must get a stout girl
of all works.-- Betty's sister would never do for them now."
The
next morning brought Elinor a letter by the two-penny post
from Lucy herself. It
was as follows:
"Bartlett's
Buildings, March.
"I hope my dear Miss Dashwood will excuse
the liberty I take of
writing to her; but I know your friendship
for me will make you pleased to hear such a
good account of myself and my dear Edward, after all the troubles we have went through
lately, therefore
will make no more apologies, but proceed to
say that, thank God! though we have suffered dreadfully,
we are both quite well now, and as happy as
we must always be in one another's love.
We have had
great trials, and great persecutions, but however,
at the same time, gratefully acknowledge many
friends, yourself not the least among them, whose
great kindness I shall always thankfully remember,
as will Edward too, who I have told of it. I am sure you will be glad
to
hear, as likewise dear
Mrs. Jennings, I spent two happy hours with him
yesterday afternoon, he would not hear of our parting,
though earnestly did I, as I thought my duty
required, urge him to it for prudence sake, and
would have parted for ever on the spot, would he
consent to it; but he said it should never be, he did not regard his mother's anger,
while he could have
my affections; our prospects are not very bright,
to be sure, but we must wait, and hope for the
best; he will be ordained shortly; and should it
ever be in your power to recommend him to any body
that has a living to bestow, am very sure you will
not forget us, and dear Mrs. Jennings too, trust
she will speak a good word for us to Sir John, or Mr. Palmer, or any friend that may
be able to assist
us.--Poor Anne was much to blame for what she
did, but she did it for the best, so I say nothing;
hope Mrs. Jennings won't think it too much
trouble to give us a call, should she come this
way any morning,
'twould be a great kindness, and my cousins
would be proud to know her.--My paper reminds me
to conclude; and begging to be most gratefully and respectfully remembered to her,
and to Sir John, and
Lady Middleton, and the dear children, when you chance to see them, and love to Miss
Marianne,
"I am,
&c."
As
soon as Elinor had finished it, she performed what she
concluded to be its writer's
real design, by placing it in the hands of Mrs.
Jennings, who read it aloud with many comments of satisfaction
and praise.
"Very
well indeed!--how prettily she writes!--aye, that was quite
proper to let him be off
if he would. That was just like Lucy.--Poor soul! I
wish I could get him a living, with all my heart.--She
calls me dear Mrs. Jennings, you see.
She is a good-hearted girl as ever
lived.--Very well upon my
word. That
sentence is very prettily turned.
Yes, yes, I will go and see her, sure
enough. How
attentive she is, to think of every body!--Thank you, my dear,
for shewing
it me. It
is as pretty a letter as ever I saw, and
does Lucy's head and heart great credit."
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